Adolescence

The Netflix series, Adolescence, has ignited significant thinking and talking about the experience of growing up. The series cleverly plays to our worst fears as parents and carers – that we don’t actually know our teenagers and have no control over them. While both of these issues in a minute form are realities of parenting teens and have been there for as long as we have had a definition of adolescence, social media has added a level of complexity that leaves us reeling. As parents who grew up without the realities of social media, we constantly compare our adolescence with today’s experiences and most of us throw our hands up in the air with despair.

I have been asked to talk about adolescence on a number of radio shows over the last few weeks, reflecting how keen people are to find out more about how to avoid the grim outcome for Jamie and his family (from the Adolescence series). I do genuinely believe that returning to the fundamentals of parenting teens is the best thing we can do. Teens need our time and attention. They may not necessarily want to hang out with you but they appreciate the invite. Keep knocking on their door to see if they want a hot chocolate or a sandwich. Let them know you value them, and the most effective way of doing that is being interested and curious about their lives. There is a fine line between being interested and intrusive and we need to work hard to stay on the right side of that line (the interested side!).

When you stick adolescence into the context of separation and divorce, you can imagine how it can sometimes clash. The move towards independence and the questioning of authority – cornerstones of adolescence - happening at the same time as parents splitting up can be a heady mix for teens. We need extra parenting skills and support at this time to help our teens, and you, get through.

You can hear Dr Rudkin talking to Adrian Chiles about adolescence on Radio 5Live on BBC Sounds.